Team Meetings

11/17/21 Team Meeting

by

Nov. 17 Life @ MCO Report

Farwell from Anna McGuire

“It has been an honor and joy to have been a part of this team. During my time at MCO, I have learned and grown so much, I contribute so much of that to my interactions with each of you. I’m so thankful for the work this team does for the Kingdom. Blessings to you all!” ~ANNA

MCO Wellness Advocate Program: 

Help those you care about connect with the care they need!

We are so excited to launch the MCO Wellness Advocate Program. As a member of the MCO Wellness Advocate Program, you can help advocate for the importance of mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual wellness, and spread the word about the professional care that MyCounselor provides.
Each person you refer will receive a discount on their first session and, as a thank you, you will receive a $25 gift card of your choice!
The MCO Wellness Advocate Program is a community of people who believe in the importance of biblically integrated and clinically informed Christian Counseling who want to help others connect with counseling that really works! Watch the video below to learn more.

 

Learn More & Become an Advocate: https://mycounselor.online/mco-wellness-advocates/

Clients Loving on our Clinicians

  • Sarah: I just needed to be heard today in a safe space and Sarah provided that for me.
  • Carrie: I love that the sessions are ALWAYS welcoming and friendly. I love that Carrie picks up on things I am trying to say but don’t have the correct words to get it out. She is always kind and respectful towards my beliefs and feelings. She has helped me and is helping me piece my life puzzle together and I am so grateful for her!
  •  Melanie is AMAZING, understanding, no judgement and listens very well.
  • Lane is just awesome, I can’t say enough good things about him. He’s just so good at what he does. I feel supported and understood by him and I’m so grateful for his service.
  • Tish is knowledgeable, compassionate and perfect for us
  • Robbin: My counselor has been great. She is supportive and I enjoy talking with her.  

November Birthdays

Mary Faxon – November 19th

Mary! Where to start?! Happy birthday to one of the most caring, kind, compassionate, empathetic, caring, genuine, and authentic humans and therapists I have every had the honor of working alongside and guiding. You are bound for greatness and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for you! Don’t hold back celebrating YOU today and enjoy every moment. You deserve it, girl! And again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! ~ Rachel

Melanie Hart – November 24th

Melanie, you are a gem! I wish you the greatest of birthdays with many more to follow. The love, care and concern you have for your clients is incredible.  This month we celebrate you, a woman that shows the heart of Christ and genuinely cherishes His people.  Enjoy your special day cause you deserve it! ~ Rosie

November Celebrations

Danielle is Pregnant with #3

Danielle is pregnant with her third child and rocking it as a clinician here at MCO.  Her bundle of joy should be making an appearance Feb 2nd!  Congrats Danielle!

Prayer Requests

Lacey– family is in need of your prayers. Our 8 y/o grandson, Jensen Lee has just been diagnosed with Leukemia. We are in shock and trying to get our kids everything they need before they head to St Jude’s today. Please pray for our sweet boy as he has to walk this journey.  Please pray for our son and his wife as no parent is ever prepared for this. Please pray for us as our grandparent and parent hearts are breaking as our kids hurt.
Kiran– My husbands health and healing. Healing for my sons broken leg
Sarah- Soldiers across the country, including my husband, are being escorted and “ordered” to take the vaccine on a new timeline and are being told that if you request any exemptions, you’ll be denied and chaptered out of your military career before they can ever look at your paperwork. Our family is directly being negatively impacted by the events of our country today and feel very helpless. Please pray for our peace of mind and for how this is impacting other aspects of our life plans and physical/family planning goals.
Mary– Pray for the single mother of 2 precious girls, my former students in Vietnam. Girls drowned close to their home.  The family and community are recovering and the mom is staying connected with the underground church there so that’s a blessing in the middle of grief. 
Mary –My aunt is with her son and daughter-in-law who can care more fully for her as she has now broken both hips that were brittle from extended treatment. She’s in good spirits but we just don’t know what it will look like for her in this time. The foster teens in her care are doing well on their own and have their own place and working on completing education. 
Britni– My nana had surgery to remove breast cancer. Everything is looking fine but please pray for my mom and her heart as she helps my nana recover. 
Josh Lolling–  IBS, changes in my role at MCO, MCO is growing and changing.

Anonymuos–  Wisdom and understanding as I navigate new season of my life

Fun Fact about Lane!

 I grew up on a farm in Southern Missouri and had a pet cow named, “Joyce“. 

Didactic Materials

11-17-2021 Didactic: Infidelity Recovery – Beginning Grief & Connection

Information- What you need to know: 
In the timeline of infidelity recovery, the initial 2-3 months following disclosure involves the goals of increasing each person’s ability to connect with their own pain/grief and subsequently, increasing their capacity to connect with the pain/grief of the other.  The therapist will act as a primary emotional support to each spouse and as a temporary bridge between the two of them.  

 

Why is connection so important?  “The most profound emotional injuries are not those that occurred during the moment of violation but those that result from the aloneness, desperation, demoralization, helplessness, and intrapersonal/interpersonal disconnection that followed and is subsequently rekindled by the mind thereafter” (AEDP 2.0 p.296- Fosha).  Both spouses may have been experiencing this prior to discovery, but will certainly be after.  It is critical to establish connection, first with the therapist & supportive others, then with the spouse.

 

Ideally, therapy will be divided into individual sessions for each spouse and marital sessions together.  This allows for the therapist to work with each person individually to form attachment and with this attachment assist the person to deepen into their grief.  Defenses and inhibitory emotions can be given extensive attention in these individual sessions.  Additionally, deep core emotion, the other spouse may or may not be able to hold with their mate, can be held by the therapist.  An example schedule might be, one week each spouse meets with the therapist individually, and the next week they meet as a couple.  This can even be increased in frequency, if the couple is able, as the first few months of infidelity recovery are often a time of the highest need for support.

 

Marital sessions will utilize the security each spouse has in relationship with the therapist to help regulate them and allow them to begin connecting with their grief in the presence of the other spouse.  The other spouse will be assisted in regulating by the therapist, allowing them to be impacted by their partner’s pain.  Generally, the goal is for the betrayed spouse’s pain to be held first.  

 

As each person, and the couple together, begin to have successful experiences of feeling into their grief and coming out on the other side, confidence increases allowing them to go to greater depths of pain and healing.  In a sense, they realize “I can feel this and not die/I can feel this and get better.”  

 

As the couple connect with grief, we will also begin to see the powerful impact grief can have on emotional regulation.  Couples will notice marked improvement in their ability to manage what they feel effectively.  Couples who hold pain well together, come to no longer have the same kind of dread about each other’s pain.  Instead, there is a trust that nurturing will be received when needed and a growing sense of one’s own confidence to provide nurturing to another which will be received.  A typical manifestation of emotional dysregulation and the attempt to manage it without grief, is the establishment of rules and expectations about a spouse’s behaviors.  While expectations are not a bad thing overall, they can become injurious to both people when their primary focus is to prevent the couple from feeling their grief.  It is no different than a person with unresolved trauma who has created many life rules and limitations designed to prevent the trauma being activated.  Rules and expectations should be created with the understanding of the therapist that connection in grief is the ultimate goal.  

 

Special Circumstances

 

Sexual Addictions:
When sexually compulsive behaviors, or really any other addiction are present, Beginning Grief & Connection will take a slightly different path.  Up to this point, infidelity work has been quite uniform for all cases.  Stop the infidelity/acting-out and tell the whole truth.  However, after disclosure infidelity recovery looks different with sexual or any other addictions present.  

 

Clients with addictions can be helped/supported to get sober and tell the truth.  However, clients with addictions are not capable, early in treatment, of grieving or connecting deeply with their betrayed spouse.  This is not a matter of being willing, it is a matter of capability.  This is a difficult reality for many betrayed spouses to accept.  It is completely understandable.  They have been hurt profoundly, and now the spouse who hurt them can do only a limited amount to help them.  It simply is “not fair.”  Many betrayed spouses will struggle and view this as a matter of willingness.  “If my spouse was truly willing/committed/really cared they would be able to be what I need.” or “Actions speak louder than words, and his actions tell me a lot.”  We as therapists should always respond with a great deal of empathy to the betrayed spouse, but they also need clear direction.  I will tell betrayed spouses “It is painful to accept but true, that your spouse is not capable of giving you what you need right now.  What you need and what I am looking for from him is the willingness to become capable.  He is not getting away with anything.  Growing will be hard work for him every step of the way but will strongly refine his character.”  

 

Addicted individuals need to establish sobriety and be involved in an addictions recovery group.  This is critical to their success.  Such work is done concurrently with infidelity counseling.  Engagement in recovery is so important that counseling will focus on client resistance and barriers if the individual does not engage in addiction recovery, rather than continuing on with the typical infidelity recovery work. 

 

Past Trauma:
When infidelity happens in cases where additional trauma is present, this can change the landscape of recovery.  This is particularly true when the trauma has not been previously worked on in meaningful ways.  The trauma may be present in either spouse’s life or both.  When trauma is present, it should not be ignored.

 

For either spouse, remember that whatever the trauma was, it is likely the person survived and wanted to be done with it.  The infidelity has now brought up something in them they had hoped was permanently over.  In the case of either spouse, especially a betrayed spouse, it is important to process the grief of having a place in themselves which had healed be reinjured by a new person in a new way.  For clients who had previously done meaningful trauma work, the therapist can work to process the grief of getting injured in the place which had previously healed.  It is like having healed from a stab wound and then having your spouse inflict injury on the same part of your body again.

 

We do not need to turn the infidelity work into work exclusively on trauma, however.  We are working on healing the infidelity injury.  Therefore, we deal with the trauma as it intersects this work, but do not lose the focus on infidelity recovery.  It is possible a client might choose to work on their trauma directly, they may even request this.  It is important we process with them establishing two focuses, both the infidelity recovery and the trauma healing.  The therapist will need to work with the client on managing having these two treatment fronts.  

 

Intervention: What you need to do:
Our intervention is comprised of the following 2 parts:
  1. Feel into yourself and feel me (as the therapist) with you.
  2. Feel into yourself and feel your spouse.
Feel into yourself and feel me (as the therapist) with you.

 

The gateway to having compassion and connecting with another is to first connect with yourself.  Failure to connect with self will lead to an inability to both heal and connect.  The best that can be achieved is listening to one another and behaving well (ie: such as saying the “right things”).  Feeling in the presence of another who is stuck in their defenses or pathogenic emotions is not beneficial.  In fact, it can further the emotional injury.  A case in point is the betraying spouse who attempts to be there to support their partner by simply listening to them, either because they do not believe their emotions are deserving to be recognized or they believe they have healed and are ready to move on.  Their spouse will respond with either feeling little to no relief or may even react in anger, noting they are the only one being emotionally vulnerable.  

 

As such, you will act as the initial support to each spouse.  They are both too activated by their spouse or injured by them to be supported by their mate.  The goal as therapist is to begin to assist the client to drop into core affect while feeling you there supporting.  It is helpful to use the handouts provided here to conceptualize what is happening in the room.  

 

The Triangle of Relational Comparisons helps us in infidelity work to recognize the relationships in the room with our clients.  First, present in the room is the client’s relationship with their spouse.  This relationship carries with it a set of defenses, signal affects, and core emotions.  Also present in the room, is the client’s relationship with the therapist.  Again, this relationship has the same components.  Finally, and importantly, the therapist should be aware of past relationships being present.  It is very common for infidelity to either spring from early attachment issues for betraying spouses or for the infidelity to exacerbate previous wounds for the betrayed spouse.  Orienting yourself as counselor to the various relationships present in the room can help you stay oriented, allowing you to see what relationship you are working within at any given moment.  Take time to briefly map out a couple you are seeing and the components for each part of the triangle.  

 

**Special Note:  It is quite common for a heavily defended betraying spouse to have present, in the room, their current experience of themselves in relationship to others in their life.  Specifically, they use their experience of themselves as, for example, kind, generous, giving, etc… with other people to shield the pain of other realities about them.  When the therapist comes in, representing the infidelity, the client will struggle with the tension between their positive sense of themselves with others and the experience of a therapist who is bringing to light the pain of their infidelity.  This can manifest as feeling misunderstood or misrepresented by the therapist.  

 

The Self-At-Worst/Self-At-Best Functioning Triangles help us to know which version of our client is present at any given moment.  Therapy is dynamic, and one moment the best self may be present and in an instant the worst self is activated.  Use your own nervous system to help track this.  If you suddenly feel off balance, confused, or tense, there is a good chance something has been activated.  Self-At-Best leads to feeling you and the client are working together, on the same page, each others emotions, resonating with one another and providing for greater depths of exploration.  Self-At Worst is noticeable as feeling disconnected from the client and unable to reach them and attempts at repair are resisted.  If you, as the therapist, can help the infidelity client to access their Self-At Best, you will create new nervous system experiences which can be used later with you as the bridge between them and their spouse.  In other words, if they can go there with you, then they can go there with you with their spouse in the room, then they can go there with their spouse with you in the room, and finally they can go there with their spouse outside of therapy.  Again, below is a list (bolded are the parts the therapist focuses on as part of feeling into self):

 

    1. I cannot go there (into my grief)
    2. I can feel my therapist with me
    3. I can feel my therapist with me so I can feel my grief
    4. I can feel my therapist with me so I can feel my grief with my spouse present
    5. I can feel my therapist with me so I can feel my grief with my spouse present and feeling
    6. I can feel my therapist with me so I can feel my grief with my spouse present and feeling and I can feel my spouse’s grief.  
    7. I can feel my grief with my spouse and I can feel my spouse’s grief
Utilize the tables below to help you get a sense in session of different defensive and adaptive presentations in your clients.  This kind of understanding will allow you to move beyond the “content” of what your client is saying to their actual condition.  When you attune effectively to their actual state, connection and regulation can happen.  

 

Defensive & Adaptive Expression of Activating Affects
    
   Maladaptive or Defensive Affect
   Adaptive Affect
     Grief
   Tears, leading to feeling worse.
   Tears over loss, with positive and negative memories. Leads to feeling relieved.
     Anger
   Frustration, leading to greater hopelessness.
   A rush of energy to the limbs, and feeling of greater energy to set limits or make a change.
     Closeness/Tenderness
   Idealized, perfectionistic image of the other based on self-need and longing.  Longing and need-based.
   Gentle, unexaggerated, tender connection based on acceptance of the whole person (strengths and weaknesses).
     Self-Esteem/Positive Feelings about Self
   Exaggerated or grandiose feelings about the self, covering insecurity.  Contempt toward others to bolster self-image.
   Quiet, comfortable feelings of pride or self-compassion based on acceptance of all aspects of the self and acceptance of similar qualities in others.
     Joy
   Inauthentic, dissociated, false peacefulness. Exaggerated calmness.  Fake smile or serenity on face.
   Genuine relaxation and enjoyment.  Deeply savoring the pleasurable or spiritual experience.  
     Excitement
   Manic arousal.  Urgency about the experience.
   Vital enthusiasm or curiosity.  Life energy.  Deep interest and involvement. Spirit.
     Sexual Desire
   Demeaning or hurtful to self or others, compulsive, addictive quality.
   Passion flowing freely-deeply satisfying to self and partner.
  (McCullough 2003 p. 123)

 

Physiological Characteristics of Defensive & Adaptive Affects
    
   Maladaptive or Defensive Affect
   Adaptive Affect
     Physiological: Direction of Energy Flow
   Either inward or outward, but hurtful to self and/or others.  Self-attacking, tense, constricted, and withdrawn, or a bottled-up feeling with wish to explode or act out. 
   Flowing out from the area of the torso to the extremities.  Surging, resonating, responsive to the moment.
     Action Tendencies: Stimulation or Inhibition?
   Results in excessively thwarting or self-attacking inhibition or action, or impulsive of explosive acting out.  Both lead to greater conflicts of problems with self and others.
   Surge of flow generates an action tendency, and expression leads to a sense of relief and satisfaction.
     Anxiety Release: Inhibition Increase or Decrease?
   Inhibition is maintained if inner-directed, and inhibition is only temporarily reduced if acted out.
   Inhibition is decreased, and person is calmer after expression.
     Lasting Effect: Relief After Expression?
   Momentary, but not lasting, and only if acted out. If not, frustration collects and build into perverse or self-punitive form.
   Yes, with lasting satisfaction.

    (McCullough 2003 p. 122)

Feel into yourself and feel your spouse.
Our focus, building out of feeling with the therapist is for the couple to begin grieving together.  We will now be working on the bolded steps below: 
  1. I cannot go there (into my grief)
  2. I can feel my therapist with me
  3. I can feel my therapist with me so I can feel my grief
  4. I can feel my therapist with me so I can feel my grief with my spouse present
  5. I can feel my therapist with me so I can feel my grief with my spouse present and feeling
  6. I can feel my therapist with me so I can feel my grief with my spouse present and feeling and I can feel my spouse’s grief.  
  7. I can feel my grief with my spouse and I can feel my spouse’s grief
The Self-Other-Emotion Triangle shows us a very important transition point for dynamics between couple’s in infidelity recover.  The reality, without grieving both separate and together each person will experience their mate as a “Triggering Other.”  
  • Betrayed spouses will experience their spouse as someone who is a walking reminder of their trauma.
  • Betraying spouses will see their mate, and in particular their mate’s pain, as only serving to punish by making them feel their pain.
Deepening with the therapist allows the client to access core affect and begin to process the most raw parts of it.  From this point, the client can now begin to feel in the presence of their spouse.  The goal at this point is simple, getting one spouse to feel into their core emotion and the other to be open, allowing this emotion to impact them.  Typically, we will begin with the betrayed spouse sharing their emotions with the betraying spouse allowing themselves to be emotionally impacted.  Being in Self-At-Best does not mean feeling “good” or “comfortable.”  It means authentically feeling in connection with others.  At this point, much of Self-At-Best will be extremely painful, but know that feeling pain in this state is actually very relieving and strengthening.  Do not be surprised by this.

 

Next, we want to begin to have the spouse who is listening (the betraying spouse at first), feeling into what is shared, also begin to share their own emotions around the grief.  Both spouses are now going deeper into grief together.  By each feeling more deeply into their grief and putting it in the space between them, the grief can be more fully felt by both.  Additionally, they are increasing their connection in the space of feeling deep grief.  A betrayed spouse will gain a sense of know they mattered from their spouse actually sharing their deep grief and eventually this will even lead to compassion (although, initially compassion may take the form of simply hearing and being impacted rather than strong displays of compassion).  

 

From this point forward, the therapist’s goal is to create more and more nervous system memories of the couple going into both of their grief together and finding healing.  This is a momentum building time.  As each person experiences times of connecting with their own pain and the pain of their spouse, they will develop confidence to go further.  Please understand this initial momentum will be mistaken by avoidant couples as meaning they are fully healed.  It is not.  Rather, it is a movement into deeper and deeper healing together.  It is quite common for couples to come in and say they did not know what they were going to talk about in the session and leave amazed at what they just processed together.  They will often say they had no idea what was processed as even there.  

 

Momentum Markers
Look for the following to let you know a couple is healing/gaining momentum:
  • Decrease in reliance of both spouses on defenses.
  • Decrease in time spend in pathogenic affects.
  • Increase emotional stability.  This does not mean not feeling, it means feeling while staying connected to core self and maintaining sense of connection with meaningful others.
  • Couple is having moments of grieving and connection outside of therapy.
Look for the following to let you know a couple is stuck:
  • One or both people are locked in reliance on defenses.
  • Feelings are limited to numbness or floods of pathogenic emotion.
  • Emotional stability is seldom present, replaced with vacillating distance and reactivity.
  • Couple is focused mostly on boundaries and “rules.”
  • Grief is avoided outside of session.
If momentum is building, this leads into generally months 4-12 of infidelity recovery, deep grieving and healing, which will be addressed in subsequent training.  If momentum is lacking, a number of things may be going on.  The most important thing for a therapist is not to overthink and try to just “figure it out.”  Instead, bring the difficulty to your clients.  Bring their awareness to the “stuckness.”  In many cases, they are already very aware and addressing it head on will be a relief.  Go towards and feel into the stuckness together with them.  We can only address the block by steering towards it.  In these cases, you and your clients can make agreed upon adjustments to therapy, such as maybe one or both of them needing more individual help, or perhaps more intensive marital session frequency.  In the cases of addiction clients, greater engagement in recovery programs may be needed.  Take time to discover what the block is and don’t hesitate to staff your case with colleagues.  

 

**Special Note: Please note the Impact Letter and Emotional Restitution Letter can be used as guides on what to grieve.  Couples can take these and spend time in therapy processing each section of the letters, individually and together.  

 

Handouts:

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11/10/21 Team Meeting

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Nov. 10 Life @ MCO Report

Farwell from Anna McGuire

“It has been an honor and joy to have been a part of this team. During my time at MCO, I have learned and grown so much, I contribute so much of that to my interactions with each of you. I’m so thankful for the work this team does for the Kingdom. Blessings to you all!” ~ANNA

 

MCO Wellness Advocate Program: 

Help those you care about connect with the care they need!

We are so excited to launch the MCO Wellness Advocate Program. As a member of the MCO Wellness Advocate Program, you can help advocate for the importance of mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual wellness, and spread the word about the professional care that MyCounselor provides.
Each person you refer will receive a discount on their first session and, as a thank you, you will receive a $25 gift card of your choice!
The MCO Wellness Advocate Program is a community of people who believe in the importance of biblically integrated and clinically informed Christian Counseling who want to help others connect with counseling that really works! Watch the video below to learn more.

 

Learn More & Become an Advocate: https://mycounselor.online/mco-wellness-advocates/

 

Clients Loving on our Clinicians

  • Mary: I enjoy the resources provided by my counselor. She holds me accountable for continuing my recovery in my daily experiences outside of our sessions.
  • Alyssa Bostwick is an outstanding counselor
  • Sarah Cowan: My counselor was very helpful
  • Lane: Felt productive!
  • Aliuwa: She’s amazing.
  • Emily Hurst: Emily covers awkward situations with dignity and in a caring way. She is helpful, encouraging, practical, and understanding.

November Birthdays

Mary Faxon – November 19th

Mary! Where to start?! Happy birthday to one of the most caring, kind, compassionate, empathetic, caring, genuine, and authentic humans and therapists I have every had the honor of working alongside and guiding. You are bound for greatness and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for you! Don’t hold back celebrating YOU today and enjoy every moment. You deserve it, girl! And again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! ~ Rachel

Melanie Hart – November 24th

Melanie, you are a gem! I wish you the greatest of birthdays with many more to follow. The love, care and concern you have for your clients is incredible.  This month we celebrate you, a woman that shows the heart of Christ and genuinely cherishes His people.  Enjoy your special day cause you deserve it! ~ Rosie

November Celebrations

Danielle is Pregnant with #3

Danielle is pregnant with her third child and rocking it as a clinician here at MCO.  Her bundle of joy should be making an appearance Feb 2nd!  Congrats Danielle!

Prayer Requests

Lacey– family is in need of your prayers. Our 8 y/o grandson, Jensen Lee has just been diagnosed with Leukemia. We are in shock and trying to get our kids everything they need before they head to St Jude’s today. Please pray for our sweet boy as he has to walk this journey.  Please pray for our son and his wife as no parent is ever prepared for this. Please pray for us as our grandparent and parent hearts are breaking as our kids hurt.
Kiran– My husbands health and healing. Healing for my sons broken leg
Sarah- Soldiers across the country, including my husband, are being escorted and “ordered” to take the vaccine on a new timeline and are being told that if you request any exemptions, you’ll be denied and chaptered out of your military career before they can ever look at your paperwork. Our family is directly being negatively impacted by the events of our country today and feel very helpless. Please pray for our peace of mind and for how this is impacting other aspects of our life plans and physical/family planning goals.
Mary– Pray for the single mother of 2 precious girls, my former students in Vietnam. Girls drowned close to their home.  The family and community are recovering and the mom is staying connected with the underground church there so that’s a blessing in the middle of grief. 
Mary –My aunt is with her son and daughter-in-law who can care more fully for her as she has now broken both hips that were brittle from extended treatment. She’s in good spirits but we just don’t know what it will look like for her in this time. The foster teens in her care are doing well on their own and have their own place and working on completing education. 
Britni– My nana had surgery to remove breast cancer. Everything is looking fine but please pray for my mom and her heart as she helps my nana recover. 
Josh Lolling–  IBS, changes in my role at MCO, MCO is growing and changing.

Fun Fact about William Woodward

 I recently traveled to Gatlinburg and love the mountains/hiking!

Reading Material for this week’s Guest Didactic

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11/3/21 Team Meeting

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Nov. 3 Life @ MCO Report

MCO Wellness Advocate Program: 

Help those you care about connect with the care they need!

We are so excited to launch the MCO Wellness Advocate Program. As a member of the MCO Wellness Advocate Program, you can help advocate for the importance of mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual wellness, and spread the word about the professional care that MyCounselor provides.
Each person you refer will receive a discount on their first session and, as a thank you, you will receive a $25 gift card of your choice!
The MCO Wellness Advocate Program is a community of people who believe in the importance of biblically integrated and clinically informed Christian Counseling who want to help others connect with counseling that really works! Watch the video below to learn more.

 

Learn More & Become an Advocate: https://mycounselor.online/mco-wellness-advocates/

 

Clients Loving on our Clinicians

  • Sherry is so helpful and kind. I have enjoyed working with her.
  • Tish is simply wonderful!
  • Robbin: Productive, very helpful and relatable
  • Tara: Love every minute
  • Carrie: Very professional and I am very happy with the service!

November Birthdays

Mary Faxon – November 19th

Mary! Where to start?! Happy birthday to one of the most caring, kind, compassionate, empathetic, caring, genuine, and authentic humans and therapists I have every had the honor of working alongside and guiding. You are bound for greatness and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for you! Don’t hold back celebrating YOU today and enjoy every moment. You deserve it, girl! And again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! ~ Rachel

Melanie Hart – November 24th

Melanie, you are a gem! I wish you the greatest of birthdays with many more to follow. The love, care and concern you have for your clients is incredible.  This month we celebrate you, a woman that shows the heart of Christ and genuinely cherishes His people.  Enjoy your special day cause you deserve it! ~ Rosie

Prayer Requests

Lacey– family is in need of your prayers. Our 8 y/o grandson, Jensen Lee has just been diagnosed with Leukemia. We are in shock and trying to get our kids everything they need before they head to St Jude’s today. Please pray for our sweet boy as he has to walk this journey.  Please pray for our son and his wife as no parent is ever prepared for this. Please pray for us as our grandparent and parent hearts are breaking as our kids hurt.
Kiran– My husbands health and healing. Healing for my sons broken leg
Sarah- Soldiers across the country, including my husband, are being escorted and “ordered” to take the vaccine on a new timeline and are being told that if you request any exemptions, you’ll be denied and chaptered out of your military career before they can ever look at your paperwork. Our family is directly being negatively impacted by the events of our country today and feel very helpless. Please pray for our peace of mind and for how this is impacting other aspects of our life plans and physical/family planning goals.
Mary– Pray for the single mother of 2 precious girls, my former students in Vietnam. Girls drowned close to their home.  The family and community are recovering and the mom is staying connected with the underground church there so that’s a blessing in the middle of grief. 
Mary –My aunt is with her son and daughter-in-law who can care more fully for her as she has now broken both hips that were brittle from extended treatment. She’s in good spirits but we just don’t know what it will look like for her in this time. The foster teens in her care are doing well on their own and have their own place and working on completing education. 
Britni– My nana had surgery to remove breast cancer. Everything is looking fine but please pray for my mom and her heart as she helps my nana recover. 
Josh Lolling–  IBS, changes in my role at MCO, MCO is growing and changing.

Fun Fact about Jessica Park

I’m known for dropping things so I like to leave my phone in the car while kayaking. 🙂 It’s kind of nice to enjoy those memories just in my mind rather than in photos. But here’s a picture of my husband and I kayaking a few years ago when we visited Buena Vista, CO with our life group. On this trip we got to show our friends the beautiful location where James proposed to me a couple months beforehand~see photo of beautiful tree lined courtyard. 

 

Pre-Reading Material for next week’s Guest Didactic

 

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Practice Management

Flex Time Off (FTO): Rather than taking time off, the employee changes the days and or times they are working, so their total hours worked remain at the agreed-upon amount. The flexed time must be made up within the pay period it occurs. Please reach out to accounting for questions regarding pay period dates. Clinicians must ensure they still have the required number of evening hours in each pay period and shift employees (i.e.: receptionist) must make sure their shifts are covered. Flex time does not require a request be submitted in Gusto, but a written approval from your supervisor should be obtained.

You can also read about this in Knowledge Base here: Time Off Policy https://train.mycounselor.online/knowledge-base/time-off/

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10/20/21 Team Meeting

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Life @ MCO Report  Oct. 20

Clients Loving on our Clinicians

  • Lacey: I’ve been with Lacey since she first began counseling, and I’ve seen her skills grow over the course of our relationship. Her commitment to professional development is evident, which I love.
  • September: I am so grateful for the balanced perspective that September provides in every session. She always has helpful suggestions and wise words to share.
  • Carrie: All our sessions with Carrie have been completely positive and incredibly helpful.
  • Alison: Allison is AMAZING!!
  • Britni: My counselor is very understanding and responds with good feedback to help me manage my issues
  • Alyssa: I have been working with my counselor for months and it has benefited me tremendously! I connect so well with her and always look forward to my sessions.

October Birthdays

Sherry Zerbe – October 4th 

Sherry, wishing you the happiest of birthdays and the start of an incredible new year.  You have been a wonderful new addition to the MCO family.  Your kindess, sweet spirit and love for people is evident.  Looking forward to getting to know you more!  Happy birthday Sherry!  ~ Rosie

 

Lane Jordan – October 10th

Lane, I am so glad you were born!  Your love for your clients and desire to help people is incredible.  We are blessed to have you on the MCO team.  I hope this coming year is even better than the last.  Happy birthday! ~Rosie

 

Shaun Lotter – October 13th

Shaun, We respect you for so many reasons! You are a man of integrity. You work SO hard and are an excellent therapist and leader. We also appreciate your humor and your ability to make us all laugh.  We do not know where the company would be without your leadership and hard work. Hope you feel as special as you are today! ~ Melissa

 

October Celebrations

Ryenn and Nick tied the knot! 

Before starting her place here at MCO, Ryenn and Nick tied the knot! The nuptials took place in Kansas with 360 of their closest friends and family. It was a classy affair with confetti cannons and Busch Lattes. Here are some of Ryenn’s favorite photos from her and Nick’s special day! #yabroswedding

Prayer Requests

Lacey- family is in need of your prayers. Our 8 y/o grandson, Jensen Lee has just been diagnosed with Leukemia. We are in shock and trying to get our kids everything they need before they head to St Jude’s today. Please pray for our sweet boy as he has to walk this journey.  Please pray for our son and his wife as no parent is ever prepared for this. Please pray for us as our grandparent and parent hearts are breaking as our kids hurt.
Kiran– My husbands health and healing. Healing for my sons broken leg
Sarah: Soldiers across the country, including my husband, are being escorted and “ordered” to take the vaccine on a new timeline and are being told that if you request any exemptions, you’ll be denied and chaptered out of your military career before they can ever look at your paperwork. Our family is directly being negatively impacted by the events of our country today and feel very helpless. Please pray for our peace of mind and for how this is impacting other aspects of our life plans and physical/family planning goals.
Mary- Pray for the single mother of 2 precious girls, my former students in Vietnam. Girls drowned close to their home. The mother was not a believer last year although the girls were. They were all she had. Praying for comfort for this tiny community of the underground church there in northern Vietnam.
Mary – My aunt is now on hospice care after a 6 year battle with cancer. Prayer support for my uncle and the two teenagers in their foster care home.
Britni– My nana had surgery to remove breast cancer. Everything is looking fine but please pray for my mom and her heart as she helps my nana recover. 
Josh Lolling-  IBS, changes in my role at MCO, MCO is growing and changing.

Fun Fact about JoLeesa Bell

I recently spent my first day at a mud pit! My dad and brother have both built Mud trucks! I had mud caked onto my scalp! I showered when I got back to the house that night…but the next day I realized I still had mud in my ears! I think I got all of it off now! It is not my everyday jam, but it was great to hang out with my 3 daughters and my dad and brother!

10/13/21 Team Meeting

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Life @ MCO Report  Oct. 13

Google Shout Outs

Clients Loving on our Clinicians

  • Tara: Tara has been vital in saving our marriage.
  • Carrie: Overall, I’ve found counseling helpful and I almost always feel heard and challenged by our sessions.
  • Aliuwa:  Great Experience
  • Alyssa:  Alyssa is a compassionate, caring therapist. I appreciate her ability to get me, pray with me, and share truth with me.
  • September: I really appreciate the applicable “assignments” that my counselor gives me. It helps me remember our discussions and actively think about those things throughout the week.

October Birthdays

Sherry Zerbe – October 4th 

Sherry, wishing you the happiest of birthdays and the start of an incredible new year.  You have been a wonderful new addition to the MCO family.  Your kindess, sweet spirit and love for people is evident.  Looking forward to getting to know you more!  Happy birthday Sherry!  ~ Rosie

 

Shaun Lotter – October 13th

Shaun, We respect you for so many reasons! You are a man of integrity. You work SO hard and are an excellent therapist and leader. We also appreciate your humor and your ability to make us all laugh.  We do not know where the company would be without your leadership and hard work. Hope you feel as special as you are today! ~ Melissa

 

October Celebrations

Ryenn and Nick tied the knot! 

Before starting her place here at MCO, Ryenn and Nick tied the knot! The nuptials took place in Kansas with 360 of their closest friends and family. It was a classy affair with confetti cannons and Busch Lattes. Here are some of Ryenn’s favorite photos from her and Nick’s special day! #yabroswedding

Prayer Requests

Lacey- family is in need of your prayers. Our 8 y/o grandson, Jensen Lee has just been diagnosed with Leukemia. We are in shock and trying to get our kids everything they need before they head to St Jude’s today. Please pray for our sweet boy as he has to walk this journey.  Please pray for our son and his wife as no parent is ever prepared for this. Please pray for us as our grandparent and parent hearts are breaking as our kids hurt.
Kiran– My husbands health and healing. Healing for my sons broken leg
Sarah: Soldiers across the country, including my husband, are being escorted and “ordered” to take the vaccine on a new timeline and are being told that if you request any exemptions, you’ll be denied and chaptered out of your military career before they can ever look at your paperwork. Our family is directly being negatively impacted by the events of our country today and feel very helpless. Please pray for our peace of mind and for how this is impacting other aspects of our life plans and physical/family planning goals.
Mary- Pray for the single mother of 2 precious girls, my former students in Vietnam. Girls drowned close to their home. The mother was not a believer last year although the girls were. They were all she had. Praying for comfort for this tiny community of the underground church there in northern Vietnam.
Mary – My aunt is now on hospice care after a 6 year battle with cancer. Prayer support for my uncle and the two teenagers in their foster care home.
Britni– My nana had surgery to remove breast cancer. Everything is looking fine but please pray for my mom and her heart as she helps my nana recover. 
Josh Lolling-  IBS, changes in my role at MCO, MCO is growing and changing.

Fun Fact about Becca Elliott

I currently have a 10 month old 110 lbs great dane puppy we call, “Lucy”. She is big and sweet, but I am ready for her to not have her puppy energy.

9/22/21 Team Meeting

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Life @ MCO Report Sept. 22nd

Clients Loving on our Clinicians
  • Aliuwa: I feel like my counselor is very well trained in understanding body language and bringing that understanding into therapy.
  • Robbin:  I feel like I have made progress in the issues I struggle with already after just a couple of sessions.

August Birthdays

Sherry Hodge – Sept., 3rd 

Happiest of Birthdays my friend. Thank you for being so amazing……at work, in life and as a human. I am beyond blessed to get to work alongside you, and I treasure our friendship. I hope you have a SPECTACULAR birthday…..you deserve it every ounce of goodness that comes your way! ~ Jodi

 

Kiran Worcester- Sept. 9th 

Kiran! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! It has been great to have you a part of this team! Your passion for others and desire to see healing take place in the lives of others is evident! I am so excited to see how God grows and uses the gift he has given to build his Kingdom and I am grateful that MCO is a part of the journey! I hope you have a great next year! – Lane Jordan

 

Samantha Poole – Sept. 17th

Happy birthday Samantha!  We are grateful to have you join our team and look forward to the great work we know you will be a part of in the years to come. ~ Ted

 

Prayer Requests

Mary: Pray for the single mother of 2 precious girls, my former students in Vietnam. Girls drowned close to their home. The mother was not a believer last year although the girls were. They were all she had. Praying for comfort for this tiny community of the underground church there in northern Vietnam.

Britni– My nana had surgery to remove breast cancer. Everything is looking fine but please pray for my mom and her heart as she helps my nana recover. 

Josh Lolling-  Anxiety and IBS is still bad. Please pray for healing.

Alyssa B– We have sold our townhome and are needing to find a transitional place to live for a month and a half while we wait for our home to be finished being built. With a newborn who isn’t sleeping through the night, we’re a little stressed.

Brandyn- My teenage girls are in full summer time mode! Prayers needed that they can be productive and that camp will make an impact on their walk with God!

Anonymous- My scoliosis has worsened and I’m in the process of trying to find corrective care in my area. The current positions of my bone structure are causing a lot more daily pain than ever before and impeding many important daily functions for me. This is disheartening and may take a lot of time and money for the care I need. Praying for God to open doors to lead me to an affordable but good chiropractor.

Fun Fact about James Maasen

I would say a fun fact about me is that I am very much into cooking and baking. I enjoy learning how to cook and bake new things all the time. Some of the things that I’ve made include homemade pasta and noodles, homemade burger buns, chocolate croissants and babka, 10 hour smoked brisket, and I even roast my own coffee! 

9/15/21 Team Meeting

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Didactic Material

[ Dis]Connection Through an  AEDP  2.0 Lens by Ken Kokoska

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9/1/21 Team Meeting

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Practice Management

A reminder to all employees, please adjust your Google Calendars/Acuity Calendars when taking time-off.

Life @ MCO Report Sept. 1st

Clients Loving on our Clinicians
  • Aliuwa: I feel like my counselor is very well trained in understanding body language and bringing that understanding into therapy.
  • Robbin:  I feel like I have made progress in the issues I struggle with already after just a couple of sessions.

August Birthdays

Sherry Hodge – Sept., 3rd 

Happiest of Birthdays my friend. Thank you for being so amazing……at work, in life and as a human. I am beyond blessed to get to work alongside you, and I treasure our friendship. I hope you have a SPECTACULAR birthday…..you deserve it every ounce of goodness that comes your way! ~ Jodi

 

Kiran Worcester- Sept. 9th 

Kiran! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! It has been great to have you a part of this team! Your passion for others and desire to see healing take place in the lives of others is evident! I am so excited to see how God grows and uses the gift he has given to build his Kingdom and I am grateful that MCO is a part of the journey! I hope you have a great next year! – Lane Jordan

 

Samantha Poole – Sept. 17th

Happy birthday Samantha!  We are grateful to have you join our team and look forward to the great work we know you will be a part of in the years to come. ~ Ted

 

Prayer Requests

Mary: Pray for the single mother of 2 precious girls, my former students in Vietnam. Girls drowned close to their home. The mother was not a believer last year although the girls were. They were all she had. Praying for comfort for this tiny community of the underground church there in northern Vietnam.

Britni– My nana had surgery to remove breast cancer. Everything is looking fine but please pray for my mom and her heart as she helps my nana recover. 

Josh Lolling-  Anxiety and IBS is still bad. Please pray for healing.

Alyssa B– We have sold our townhome and are needing to find a transitional place to live for a month and a half while we wait for our home to be finished being built. With a newborn who isn’t sleeping through the night, we’re a little stressed.

Brandyn- My teenage girls are in full summer time mode! Prayers needed that they can be productive and that camp will make an impact on their walk with God!

Anonymous- My scoliosis has worsened and I’m in the process of trying to find corrective care in my area. The current positions of my bone structure are causing a lot more daily pain than ever before and impeding many important daily functions for me. This is disheartening and may take a lot of time and money for the care I need. Praying for God to open doors to lead me to an affordable but good chiropractor.

Fun Fact about James Maasen

I would say a fun fact about me is that I am very much into cooking and baking. I enjoy learning how to cook and bake new things all the time. Some of the things that I’ve made include homemade pasta and noodles, homemade burger buns, chocolate croissants and babka, 10 hour smoked brisket, and I even roast my own coffee! 

8/25/21 Team Meeting

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Life @ MCO Report Aug. 25th

Reviews

Clients Loving on our Clinicians
  • Robbin: I’ve been to other therapists and counselors, yet only here have I found those that truly understand the spiritual reality that I struggle against.
  • Josue: It has been helpful so far to slowly work through what we came to counseling for. Everything feels very thorough.
  • Danielle: My counselor is great.
  • Sarah: IT WAS WONDERFUL!
  • Paul: Very helpful.
  • Mary: So far everything has been great, and I’m interested to see how things progress.

MCO Holiday Time-Off Clarification

We’d like to offer clarification about MCO’s policy regarding Holidays and your ability to take time off (“PTO”).  In calculating PTO, MCO considers the following events as “Company Holidays”:

  • New Year’s Day (Jan. 1st)
  • Memorial Day
  • Independence Day (July 4th)
  • Labor Day
  • Thanksgiving
  • Christmas Eve (Dec. 24th)
  • Christmas Day (Dec. 25th)

Employees are to flex their time, meaning to add in the time they miss to other days within the same pay period, or utilize PTO.

For the upcoming Labor Day holiday, the pay period is August 31st to September 13th.  Employees wishing to utilize the flex option should add in the hours which would have been worked Monday, September 6th, at points within this pay period.  For clinicians, the number of client hours should be added and placed in time slots that are comparable to when they would have occurred on Monday the 6th.

The MCO leadership team continues to evaluate our salary and compensation packages in an effort to provide the best options available to all employees.  Any changes for the 2022 Calendar year will be communicated by the end of the 4th quarter.

Labor Day Announcement

In reference to Labor Day, please be sure to begin informing your clients that on Labor Day, Monday Sept. 6th the MCO office will be closed. With that being said, If your client is scheduled with you on Tuesday, Sept.7th and needs to cancel, they must call the receptionist team no later than Friday, Sept 3rd by 5 pm CST to prevent any unwanted fees because the office will not be open on Monday. Here at MCO we value our client’s and clinician’s time so please help us inform our clients.

Just so you are aware, we are also putting an announcement on our website, our social media and our phone system to properly communicate and prevent any unwanted fees or scheduling issues.

With Gratitude,
Rosaria Z.Gillis

Experience Advocate of MCO

 

August Birthdays

Tara Riggs Aug 2nd
Thanks for being born Tara!  Because of your sweet counseling skills, passion to care for others and love for God’s people, so many lives have been impacted through you here at MCO.  You are an incredible part of MCO and we are so grateful to have you on our team.  Enjoy your special day! ~Rosaria

 

September Trent – Aug 13th  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEPTEMBER!  So glad to celebrate this special day with you.  Getting to work with you in the Springfield Office is such a blessing.  Here’s to another amazing year! ! Shaun

 

Kristina Paris – Aug 14th 
Happy birthday Kristina!! I am so grateful to have you on our team! I love getting to know you and I find your passion for learning so inspiring! I hope you feel so loved and celebrated today! ~ Alison

 

Prayer Requests

Britni– My nana had surgery to remove breast cancer. Everything is looking fine but please pray for my mom and her heart as she helps my nana recover. 
Josh Lolling-  Anxiety and IBS is still bad. Please pray for healing.
Alyssa – We have sold our townhome and are needing to find a transitional place to live for a month and a half while we wait for our home to be finished being built. With a newborn who isn’t sleeping through the night, we’re a little stressed.
Brandyn- My teenage girls are in full summer time mode! Prayers needed that they can be productive and that camp will make an impact on their walk with God!

 

Let’s Welcome Our New Team Members To MCO!

Matthew Thrower- Content Creator

   
I earned a Bachelor of Arts in Music from Lagrange College in Lagrange, Georgia, which gave me an unnecessary plethora of music knowledge. I also earned my Masters of Arts in Theological Studies from Liberty University. I am currently the Lead Pastor and church planter of Refuge City Church here in Cedar City, Utah. 
I have served the church in various capacities my entire adult life whether through planting, preaching, worship or creating graphic and video content. I love explaining theology on my YouTube channel, talking about the Bible and current events on my churches midweek podcast and creating social media graphic art. 
I have been married to Merinda for 17 years and we stay pretty busy raising our three kiddos; Jude, Nora, and Ezra. In my free time I love exploring the glorious mountains in my backyard here in Utah. So, if you need a good place to vacation, I know a few places. I am looking forward to working with you guys and using my gifts and experiences to advance King Jesus’ kingdom. 

 

Samantha Poole – Reporting Analyst 

I grew up in Virginia Beach, VA with both of my parents in the Navy. I have had the opportunity to work in and experience several different industries and really enjoy learning what makes a company tick.  I prefer to do that by looking at the data and helping to focus on key metrics and processes. My other job is a Mom to my six year old son, Ronan. He has my love for music and dance and his father’s love for mechanics and games. I hope my eye for detail and analysis skills can contribute to the continued growth at MCO and I look forward to working with and getting to know the team. 

 

Kristi Pitts – Webmaster 

Kristi is a Chicago native living in Columbus, Georgia who loves people, pizza and Pilates! She is very comfortable with all things digital as she founded a women’s ministry online and met her husband, Jay, on the web! Kristi is mom to two fine young men, aged 17 &14, who light up her life. She serves on the prayer and worship team at church and goes on local outreaches to help reach women in sex trafficking. She is so excited to join the team and help further the mission of ministering to those who minister. 

 

Sarah Williams – MCO Resident

I  have lived outside Nashville, TN for the past six years with my four children and cuddly dog. I have a daughter (12), and three sons (10, 8, and 6). There’s a lot of energy in my house! I graduated from King University and Richmont Graduate University. For the past 14 years, I have been a stay-at-home mom, taught undergraduate psychology classes at Cumberland University, and worked with writers as a certified book coach. I am recently divorced, and returning to my calling as a therapist and joining MCO is a part of God’s redemption for my story. I am so excited to work with you all!

 

Kiran Worcester – MCO Resident

As a former client and trauma survivor, I recognize the bravery and discomfort that comes with inviting another person into our pain.  My deepest hope, is that my clients experience an authentic sense of care and connection through our relationship. I consider it a privilege to journey alongside my clients and hold hope with them as they pursue healing and wholeness. Before becoming a counselor, I worked as a developmental vision therapist, serving clients with learning delays and traumatic brain injuries. I also have experience counseling financially disadvantaged children and families. I consider my work as a counselor to be a calling rather than a career.  It is my great joy to serve the Lord and my clients.
Kiran Worcester is a wife and mother of two, who resides in Kansas City.  Her professional background began in education, special education and early intervention.  A native Oregonian, Kiran prefers to spend her free time hiking, kayaking and experiencing the beauty of God’s creation through nature.  Kiran is an amateur photographer, vocalist and avid reader. She also enjoys a good cup of coffee (and a little chocolate) with friends and family. 

 

Brittany Miedema – Client Experience Advocate

Hello! I’m excited to join everyone at the MCO team! Over the past decade I’ve supported mental health and education in various capacities with a bachelor’s in psychology and communication and a master’s in business administration. I’ve been working to synergize my calling with God’s purpose, which has lead me here! I look forward to working with you and our clients to support the MCO mission while pursuing licensure in mental health counseling.
My husband and I are Florida natives from the Space Coast. We love to spend time walking with our dog, working out in our home gym, or kicking each other’s butts in Krav Maga classes. We are also pretty big comic book and fantasy nerds, so you can find us hanging out at Universal Studios on the weekends. I can’t wait to meet you!

 

Sherry Zerbev – MCO Resident

I am very excited to join the team at MCO! I am beginning my journey into counseling after working in fields of education and human resources. I have lots of leadership experience under my belt, but I am  new to the counseling profession. I am excited to learn and grow alongside of each of you, as I begin  this new journey God has placed me on.  
I absolutely love people, and I have experienced many blessings as a direct result of the humans God has  placed in my life. I have 4 wonderful (almost all adult) children and a corgi named Rosie. We just  recently (as in this week) relocated to Florida where I will work my way to licensure. I have always  wanted to live near the beach and pursue a career as a therapist, so I am very excited to begin my MCO  residency! 
I love to read, walk, sit by the water, and spend time with family and friends. I look forward to building  meaningful relationships and experiencing fellowship with each of you as we all work as one to further  God’s kingdom and the mission of MCO. 
Thank you so much for letting me join the team!! I ask for your prayers as I begin this new journey, and I  will certainly be praying for each of you and this wonderful organization that I feel privileged to be a part  of. 

 

Ryenn Johns – MCO Resident

HI! I am Ryenn (Ry-N)! I am about to move to South Carolina with my Husband, for no other reason than the beach being a lot closer than it is in Kansas, where we both grew up! I love the outdoors and it is where I feel the most connected to God. I love working with teen to college aged young women as they navigate relationships and identity development. I have a big heart of sex education in the church and how we can better care and love for Christian women in this area. I just graduated from MidAmerican Nazarene University in May and just got married in July, so it has been a crazy couple months! Excited to get settled in South Carolina and here at MCO! I already feel part of this family! Cannot wait to meet more of you and give out hugs in October! 

Team Discussion

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8/18/21 Team Meeting

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Practice Management

Labor Day Announcement

In reference to Labor Day, please be sure to begin informing your clients that on Labor Day, Monday Sept. 6th the MCO office will be closed. With that being said, If your client is scheduled with you on Tuesday, Sept.7th and needs to cancel, they must call the receptionist team no later than Friday, Sept 3rd by 5 pm CST to prevent any unwanted fees because the office will not be open on Monday. Here at MCO we value our client’s and clinician’s time so please help us inform our clients.
Just so you are aware, we are also putting an announcement on our website, our social media and our phone system to properly communicate and prevent any unwanted fees or scheduling issues.

With Gratitude,
Rosaria Z.Gillis

Experience Advocate of MCO

 

Pre-Didactic Material

EFT w. Highly Escalated Couples

Introduction
There is nothing more dysregulating for an emotionally responsive therapist, trained in the art of vulnerability and connection, than a reactive couple, shouting and yelling in our sessions, talking over each other, and hurling insults at each other right before our eyes. We long to help our couples connect but there seems to be so much in the way. Perhaps you respond to this reactivity by getting frustrated with the clients and losing empathy. Perhaps you feel anxious and insecure, not knowing what to do or how to move forward. Or perhaps your feel helpless and lose your own strength, succumbing to the intensity of the couple. We all have our reasons for becoming a therapist, and for many of us, this came from having a naturally empathetic disposition, and playing the role of peacekeeper in our homes of varying levels of dysfunction. 

 

Person of the Therapist

Before we begin, take about 15 minutes to feel into your relationship with anger by asking yourself the following questions: 
  1. Check in with your own inner child. How does he/she feel in the presence of anger? How does he/she respond to it? Does he or she feel permission to engage her/his own anger? What happens when he/she does? 
    1. Ask these same questions to your teenager and your young adult (if applicable).
  2. What is your relationship like with anger now? What feelings do you notice that accompany it as it rises within you? Guilt? Fear? Sadness? Disgust? What feelings accompany it when the anger comes from others?
  3. Get to know your own anger: The next time you feel angry in your romantic relationship (if applicable), notice how it feels in your body. What is the anger trying to do or accomplish (i.e., it’s function)? Notice how it makes you feel. Notice the quality of it: the temperature, energy, sensation of it. Is there an image that could symbolize your anger? (Mine began as a fireball 🙂 As you understand it, can you befriend it by turning kindness and compassion toward it? Notice how it shifts when you do. 
  4. Share something about this experience with a safe other, i.e. a trusted friend, colleague, therapist, family member, etc. 
Reactivity and Secondary Emotion Through An Attachment Lens
Now that you have understood and befriended your anger, let us examine anger through an attachment lens. Remember that “emotion organizes actions toward others, and emotional signals set up and constrain the actions of others to the self. These signals also set up habitual interaction patterns or “dances,“ that then feedback into and frame the experience of each of the dancers. Each emotion is linked to a discernible action tendency. So anger is an approach emotion that sets up the assertion of needs and the removal of blocks to satisfaction…(Johnson, 2019).”  In other words, emotions link us to our needs, and then drive action toward meeting that need and this becomes part of our dance with our partners.  When we send an emotional signal to our partner, we need to know that they hear it and will respond accordingly. Like the baby in Ed Tronick’s Still Face Experiment, when we do not get responsiveness, we will panic. “Easily triggered anger and hypervigilence are likewise functional when the alternative appears to be that one is inevitably dismissed or deserted.” (Johnson, 2019)

 

Reread pages 40-49 of Created for Connection as a refresher on the “primal panic” which hijacks our bodies in disconnection, and the “demon dialogues” which ensue in an effort to regain connection. 
These demon dialogues will play out before your eyes in session, you just need to know how to identify them. In relationships with a “Find the Bad Guy” dance of attack-attack, you may see higher levels of reactivity in the session as the two sparks are bound the start a fire. Pursuers anger is often “proximity seeking” and in their minds, any response is better than no response. Pursuers will poke by taking shots and jabs at their partners, criticizing, blaming, and accusing their partners in order to get a response and in order to stave off their worse fear of being abandoned or rejected by their partner. Withdrawers anger is usually “distance-seeking” in an attempt to get away from the tension of the relationship, calm their nervous system, and await the storm of conflict to pass. This will likely look like stonewalling, flat affect, and unresponsiveness. However, there are times when, if backed into a corner and/or enough shots are taken at them, the withdrawer will come out swinging (metaphorically) in defense of themselves. This is what is playing out in front of you in a highly reactive couple. 

 

Role of the Therapist
Your job is to validate and understand the anger, so that you can help the partner send a clearer signal to their partner, which will elicit the response they actually want- relationship security and connection. Your stance is one of unconditional positive regard and non-judgement which will allow for safety and thereby curious exploration of the partner’s inner experience. You will need to continuously and constantly redirect your client back to their own experience (view of self), as they will likely be using blame, accusation, and criticism toward their partner (“view of other”), even when talking to you. Your goal is to organize the emotion with your client, helping them to understand what they feel and why, offering them a felt sense that they make sense. We are helping clients “name it to tame it” and moving emotional experience from chaotic and overwhelming to normal and valid. You will do this by assembling the elements of emotion, what we call TEMP elsewhere, but more technically includes the following:
  • Trigger or cue
  • Initial perception
  • Body response
  • Meaning creation
  • Action tendency
However, they way you will do this is very different than in other, less reactive sessions. 
Interventions for Working w/ Reactivity in Session
  • Match and Drop-When working with reactive emotion in session, we are not able to use a typical “low and slow” tone, as this feels dismissive of the anger in the room, and does not match or join with the anger. As therapists, we must have several levels of energy and tone that we bring into a session, in order to best attune to our client, whatever the emotion. You may have experienced trying to contain reactivity and feeling mowed over by a freight train. This is often because we are not joining and matching the emotion to the degree that is needed. As mentioned earlier, the anger must be named, understood in it’s function and validated as response to the trigger. Therefore, the first key to working with reactivity in session, is to match the anger. We do not need to do so to the extent the partner is feeling it, but they need to feel understood by us. Remember that anger helps us to feel powerful, seen, and heard in the face of feeling ignored, dismissed, and insignificant, therefore we must show our clients with our tone, facial expression, and body language that we see, hear, and understand them. Once anger is understood in this way (named), it softens (tames), and often the softer, more vulnerable emotion beneath it will begin to emerge. We will use our own tone, attachment framing, and conjecture to lead the client into the “drop” into core emotion and attachment fears which is inevitably fueling the reactivity, usually as a fear of rejection or abandonment. 
One of the primary issues in working with reactive couples, is that they often both want to speak at the same time, and continuously interrupt one another while the other is speaking, especially as you are beginning to finally get somewhere with their partner. Interruptions and Blocks, in the words of EFT Trainer George Faller, are “mistrust in action.” As we use the map of the EFT Tango to focus the session, partners will inevitable break in and, if we are not aware of where we are and where we are going, these interruptions will derail our session and prevent us from being of help to our clients. 
First, determine the type of interruption using the following descriptions: 
  • Using Red, Yellow, & Green Lights
    • Green Lights are interruptions of empathy. These are kind, encouraging, and supportive responses from the partner, which can be deepened and used to facilitate the partner you were originally working with to take greater risks and go deeper into their own vulnerability. 
    • Yellow Lights are interruptions that are partially empathetic, but also partially mistrusting. We will “part out” the response, close validate the “red light“ mistrust (do not explore), and privilege the positive “green light,“ asking the partner to enact this empathy (turning it into a green light). If the partner cannot stay with the empathy, and the yellow light becomes red, see next section. CPR, described below, is a great technique in working with “yellow lights” as well. 
    • Red Light interruptions are entirely mistrust and will likely feel like bullets (or grenades, or missiles, or bombs- think deadly) going off in the session. Determine whether the block is INTRApersonal (about self), or INTERpersonal (about other/relationship). Make your transition explicit to the partner you were working with and explain that you want to understand what is happening for the interrupting partner, but will return to them (called tying a tourniquet) and explore the block that arose. 
Use CPR to maintain alliance with both partners and the focus in the session: 
  • CPR
    • Capture the live reactivity- recognize this as an interpersonal block and emotion breaking through
    • Provide permission for the action tendency – name, make sense of, understand, and validate what the partner is saying WITHOUT exploring (called a closed validation)
    • Return to your original focus before the interruption
Sometimes, interruptions persist and the CPR is ineffective in resuscitating your session (pun intended). In these cases, you will have to be more direct. TERROR is a way of working with higher levels of reactivity in session. 
  • TERROR
    • Take charge of session
    • Explicitly explain intention/process
    • Restrain interruptions and close validate
    • Regulate affect by matching
    • Organize meaning of secondary emotion
    • Restore safety and bridge distance by honoring defenses
  • Catching Bullets: Reactivity & Mistrust in Enactments- Sometimes, you will be able to tame reactivity and deepen the underlying emotion enough to be able to pass it in an enactment, but one or both partners will not be able to stay with the vulnerability and/or will experience mistrust of the new experience. This can happen as the enacting partner pops out of emotion and into defense or anxiety, or by the receiving partner who cannot trust what is emerging in their partner. 
    • When this happens for the enacting partner, we track and make this explicit with kind curiosity about “what just happened” and invite them to enact” from their hearts” and “let this part speak” to their partner. 
    • When this happens with the receiving partner, we will validate the mistrust, understanding why this shift is so hard to take in, and ask them to imagine if what their partner was saying is true, what would that be like (using the imaginal channel). 
  • Moment to Moment Tracking
    • “The best defense is a good offense” and this applies to working with highly escalated couples as well. If you are connected and attuned to your clients, you may be able to read facial expressions and body language which would cue you into what is happening in their internal world far before it erupts into reactivity. Remember that by tracking both partners closely, you are able to read them, and move toward emotion with curiosity and compassion before it overtakes your client and pops them outside of their window of tolerance. If one partner is escalated, it will often cause reactivity in your session, so be sure to continue redirecting an escalated partner back to their own experience in order to catch bullets and facilitate emotional regulation and meaning-making. 
Conclusion
My goal in this didactic is to help you to maintain a sense of balance in your reactive sessions, both by better understanding your own internal responses, as well as giving you tools to use in these moments when emotions are high and cause you to feel disoriented. I encourage you to take the tools and use them, practicing with and sharpening them as you go. I am here to support you each step of the way, and am right here growing alongside you. Go Team MCO!

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